Hard To Get

As I sit here, one of my best friends in the world is sitting in Children's Hospital in Seattle with his wife and child, as his 2 year old recieves treatment for cancer. The stories they tell are filled with pain, suffering, a lot of courage, and glimmers of hope. But mostly it sounds like hell on earth. What do you say or do in a situation like this? Why does stuff like this happen in the world? I don't get it. I know plenty of sound theological answers, but few answers that make sense. It is at times like this that you just throw up your hands, and bow your head, and ask for help.

My favorite Christian song is the only thing that makes sense right now. Rich Mullins, before he died in a car accident, was asked to write a song about prayer. I bet the person who asked him to write it thought that it would be filled with grand crescendos of God's majesty and power (think "our God is an awesome God"). Instead, Rich gave him a piece of paper with the following song on it. These are Rich's words on prayer, and maybe these are mine today too.

God, help Ben.


HARD TO GET

You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
And who get hardened by the hurt

Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread
Did You forget about us after You had flown away
Well I memorized every word You said
Still I'm so scared, I'm holding my breath
While You're up there just playing hard to get

You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin
We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was
Still we do love now and then

Did You ever know loneliness
Did You ever know need
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You were barely holding on
And Your friends fall asleep
And don't see the blood that's running in Your sweat
Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You're up there just playing hard to get?

And I know you bore our sorrows
And I know you feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained

And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I figured this, somehow
All I really need to know

Is if You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can't see what's ahead
And we can not get free of what we've left behind
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret

I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here
Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led
And so You've been here all along I guess
It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get